whiny baby tales

I'm sure I won't be able to get on here tomorrow, so it's a day early.

March 10, 2004 our sweet Matthew was born silently from this world into God's loving arms at 8:36 AM. He weighed 4 ounces and was 7 1/2 inches long and just beautiful. We miss him every moment of every day...some days are harder than others, especially watching Zachary doing things we often wonder if Matthew would have done.

Happy birthday my sweet babe. Say hello to Papa from us, too!

Labels: Heaven's tiny angel, missing Matthew, my daddy, Pikes Peak SHARE

I don't think I'll miss too much of 2007. There are a lot of sad memories from this year and I am trying really hard to not dwell on them. I miss my Dad though.

I just got off a phone interview for my Pikes Peak SHARE Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support group. I am excited about the article that is going to run in our local newspaper in a couple of weeks. If it's online I'll share here too!

Here's to 2008, a brand new year. Let's make wonderful memories the whole year long!

Labels: blogging, christmas, missing Matthew, my daddy, Pikes Peak SHARE

So Saturday came and went...and it was a nice day, but it really had a few bumps I didn't quite plan on!

Zachary ended up pretty sick on Friday night, after eating dinner and having his bath. I had to run to another board members house to get a check for after the Walk and had Mike and Zachary go with me. About 5 minutes into our 15 minute drive, Zachary starts throwing up ALL over the car seat, himself, everywhere. Poor bug! We pulled over and cleaned him up with napkins the best we could, but I HAD to get that check! Had to stop a total of 2 times on the way there to clean him up, and Mike rode in the back seat with him the rest of the way there and back. Got him home and he "seemed" fine. He wanted to nurse and did. And within 5 minutes was throwing that up all over our feet (TMI: I was sitting on the potty and he was standing in front of me). What a mess! I got him cleaned up and partially redressed (diaper and jammie pants only) and we settled in for a long night. I didn't sleep more than maybe 5 minutes all night. Zachary kept moaning and then he'd either dry heave or throw up every 20 minutes! I had called the Ped's on call service around 9:30 PM and the nurse said if he went more than 8 hours of no peeing and still vomiting to take him to the ER, in case he's dehydrated. So...at 3:30 AM, off we go to the ER. They didn't really do anything for him...I guess they got busy with a cardiac patient, which is totally fine...but what a waste of time for us. Zachary threw up all over the bed, floor, himself and me twice. I couldn't wait to get home! We finally got to leave around 7:30 AM. Yep, Saturday morning, the day of the Walk, and I wanted to be to the event location to set up at 8 AM. Not gonna happen!

We got home after stopping to get his Zofran prescription filled (what a joke, ONE pill, generic at that, was $15.37. Thank GOD for insurance!) at 8 AM. I showered while Mike loaded the car for me. The plan was for us to take 2 cars, so that's what we did. I took all the Walk stuff with me and Haley...Mike took Micheal and Zachary. Not 3 minutes into the drive Micheal calls me...Zachary just threw up all over Mike's car...the carseat...himself...again. I said fine...go home. I'll call you later! I made a few other calls to make sure I had some helpers coming (one person called me during all this and said she couldn't come due to not feeling well herself!) Anyway...I decided everything would just work out the way it was supposed to work out and it would be FINE. I wish I could say that I took a deep breath and said a prayer...but I did not. Ugh.

So the Walk was very nice. We had about 25 people there, 2 brand new to SHARE families. All day long we were way ahead of schedule and I never once felt rushed. So that was all good! We had lovely weather and other than a few load motorcycle groups, being downtown was really nice. LOTS of people reading our sign and watching us during the balloon release. A couple of cars even honked at us (in a supportive way!) as we were walking back. Very nice to be so out in the public eye! Everyone was satisfied with their experiences and had a nice day.

The rest of the day was spent resting and doing a zillion loads of laundry! I tend to do 2 or maybe 3 loads of laundry on the weekends...I swear by Sunday afternoon I must have been on load number 9. I am sick of the washer and dryer right now! LOL Anyway...we laid pretty low and let Zachary do whatever he felt up to doing. Time got away from me and before I knew it he was headed to bed at 9 PM! That's about 2 hours later than his normal bedtime. But he had slept a lot during the day...and he was just getting sleepy then. AND he slept ALL night long. Didn't wake up until 5:30 AM. What was that about? He had a very empty belly! LOL When he woke up, he nursed a bit and talked a bit and fell asleep until 8 AM. What a great nights sleep that we all needed!

Sunday was more laundry and church. He did great during church too. Strange boy. Today he wasn't himself at all so I kept him home from daycare to go to the doctor. His stomach virus is working it's way out (poor bottom!) but he's got Strep. Ugh. Got a shot of antibiotics instead of oral so as to keep the belly from re-erupting! Boy was he mad about that shot. I think for a brief moment he had a flashback of the ER experience I refuse to think about ever again. I just kept hugging him and kissing him and telling him it was just a shot...just one poke and he was almost done. Poor bug.

Anyway...it's just after 8 PM now and he's in bed. My silly boy loves to wear his slippers to bed! He is outgrowing the Winnie the Pooh ones so I found him the next size bigger (which look like clown shoes on him right now) in Elmo. He is LOVING Elmo. Today he brought out his Blue's Clues movie to watch twice. And his Praise Baby. And amazingly enough he WATCHED quite a bit of it. He hasn't really gotten into TV at this point. He'll listen to the music and dance around but not really stare at it like there's no better drug around. That changed today. He sat in his highchair for dinner FACING the TV. I'm quite sure his Daddy would not approve...but he ate and was happy!

Here's hoping he's feeling better tomorrow! I could possibly be called into work as early as tomorrow!!!!!

Labels: a day in the life of a Zachy boy, breastfeeding, cutest baby EVER, family fun, family news, October 15th, Pikes Peak SHARE, Walk to Remember

Feeling rather sing songy today I guess!

Tomorrow is our Walk to Remember and I am very much ready for it.

I'm excited, which is kind of weird when it's a service to remember so many babies that have died and so many families that are grieving without them in their arms. I miss my Matthew daily, but days like tomorrow are almost like a birthday party from me to him. Don't quite get it...let me elaborate!

Tomorrow morning a few (unknown how many at this point) people will gather...strangers first and then acquaintances and after a few months/years you become friends. So...tomorrow we'll gather as friends...to celebrate and remember our babies. We'll have balloons, music, poems, kind words of remembrance, and lots of tears. We'll hug, we'll talk, and we'll walk the steps our babies never got the chance to take. We'll walk to a park and stand near a water fountain that so many children love to play in during the summer months. We'll all share a poem that might mean nothing to some and it might mean everything they've been trying to say for so long. We'll cry, we'll hug and hold hands. We'll stand there together, parents with so much in common yet we probably wouldn't know each other had our babies been born alive. We'll release our balloons into the sky (hopefully blue and few clouds but it is mid October in Colorado...it's really a crap shoot weather wise!) and we'll remember. We'll listen to a song sung by a man who may or may not know what we're feeling, but he's captured it in song for us anyway. We'll remember our babies by reading their names out loud...we'll share our children with the rest of the world in a public display of our private feelings for our children we want so very very much. When we're finished at the park, we'll walk back to our meeting spot for another poem and a small token of appreciation and understanding to the families present. We'll talk about our children and share their stories. Then we'll eat! We'll have a reception where we can be relaxed and friendly and not too sad about why we're here in the first place. We'll eat and talk and listen to some music and remember. And when it's all said and done, we'll go back to our lives much richer for the things we've shared and the friends we've made.

Won't you help make my life a little richer by remembering my Matthew, and every baby that has died before their time? That is what October is all about to me.

Labels: family news, Heaven's tiny angel, missing Matthew, October 15th, our blessing, Pikes Peak SHARE, Walk to Remember

Labels: Heaven's tiny angel, missing Matthew, October 15th, Pikes Peak SHARE, Walk to Remember

I'm on the look out for poems. I am once again organizing our local Walk to Remember and need some new poems to read and share with our support group.

Leave a comment here, or check out our group web page here. The Walk is October 13th so I've got a little time.

Help a sista' out, ok?

Labels: Heaven's tiny angel, Pikes Peak SHARE, Walk to Remember