whiny baby tales

Tonight was probably a remarkably bad night. Mike said or did something he thought was funny, I got pissed. My first remark was "do you want to be single again?" When he said something else, I said "I can pack my crap, my kids and my dog and be gone real quick".

And the truly sad part is that I am serious. I would leave without much of a second glance.

It's not that we have a horrible marriage. It's that it's in a horrible rut. And that neither of us care or try to do anything differently. It's been this way for a while, just building and festering. I keep telling him I'm not happy. I keep telling him things have to change. But sadly I do not know what things need to change or how to go about making those changes.

I don't want to be divorced. Or even separated. But I really want to be happy...and that's what's missing right now.

So...my friends on the internet...pray for marriages, and especially mine.

Labels: bitch and moan, family news, mama's bored, rambling thoughts, recommendatoins please, want some whine with that cheese?

So, it's FREEZING today, eh? I'm ready for summer...and our family vacation! But I want some help with detail things.

1. rental vehicle - where's the best priced place in the Springs to rent a mini van or other similar sized vehicle for about 10 days?
2. dog sitting/boarding - which would be better for an 11 year old Chihuahua that hates everyone and everything and a puppy (she should be about 8 - 9 months old by the time we go on vacation) and what should I look for in a boarding kennel vs. someone to stay in our home. What's the going rate for either?
3. sites to see - we're going to end up in Indianapolis but can go many different routes to get there and get back home. What's a can't miss site (I know I want to hit the Arch and St. Louis Zoo for sure).

And what are you doing to stay warm today?

Labels: family news, mama's bored, rambling thoughts, recommendatoins please, travel stuff

Well, that was a quick one. We left Friday afternoon before Thanksgiving and got home last night. 1200 miles each way...my butt and legs are tired! No cruise control :(

I'm happy we went when we did as my Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Cousin's hubby and Cousin's son were there too. Micheal took almost all of his things (that he wants for now...we're storing the rest) and is working on getting settled in and becoming a Texas resident. Woo hoo!

I'm tired. School tomorrow...hopefully most of the snow melted!

Labels: family fun, family news, mama's bored, photos, travel stuff, what's with the white stuff?

Last week my oldest son left home to stay and work with his aunt in TX. He is currently in the path of Ike, along with my mom, my sister and my nieces. Please pray that Ike is not a devastating hurricane. Please pray for the safety of everyone in the gulf area that could be affected by Ike. Please pray for my family.

Labels: family news, photos

Guess I better blow the dust off of here!

Things are going well, we're pretty well settled into the new house and spend our "time off" and weekends doing things like unclogging drains and reorganizing the garage. Fun stuff! I still need to do something with my office, it's a huge mess! But right now more important things are going on...like my family visiting!

Father's Day was nice, we got to see Mike's Dad for a while both days of that weekend. I'd like to plan a trip to see them next year for one of Mike's vacation weeks. Micheal turned 20 and then the next day my Mom, Sister and 2 nieces arrived. I love having my family here and the house, while at times is full, is plenty big enough for everyone. I just need a couple more pull out beds or air mattresses or something! But everyone is happy and we're all having a great visit.

Can you believe Zachary will be TWO YEARS OLD???? In 17 very short days my baby is a 2 year old. I'm working on weaning, more for me than him. He has cut down again so that is good. I keep saying by his birthday but that's not set in stone. I just don't see me going much beyond 2 years. This past week or so he has grown up so much! He's a huge train fan now too...which I LOVE, and am so grateful that my Mom let us have my Dad's trains when we were there last December. Those aren't the ones he's playing with yet, but I bet in the next 2 or 3 years he will be. He's really careful and loves to lay down and watch the wheels go round and round. We got him a trike with a long handle so we can push him or flip it upside down and he can rock on it, or take it off and he can ride by himself. I'm so not ready for him to spread his wings and fly though. He is my baby, right??? Sure don't see much of it these days.

It is currently raining a TON. I should take a picture of the lake that is/was our cement patio right outside my office. We have a LOT of landscaping and yard work to do this summer. Yikes!!!

Labels: a day in the life of a Zachy boy, breastfeeding, cutest baby EVER, family fun, family news, kiddos, mama's bored, my daddy, our blessing, rambling thoughts, updates

The move went ok...we have "one last load" at the other house and then I have the downstairs to finish cleaning. Tomorrow is it...the carpet is being cleaned on Wednesday and we can't go back in that day. I am turning in the keys on Thursday!

I really love our house. There have been a LOT of nasty surprises...bad electrical, worse plumbing...but so far (knock on wood) nothing we can't handle. We need a HUGE influx of cash though :)

I'm pooped. I had a nice long 4 day weekend and now I need to head to bed so I can get up at oh-dark-thirty and get ready for work.

Labels: a househunting we will go, family news, mama's bored, rambling thoughts

I got a call from our Realtor yesterday morning...we're officially ready to close! Our part is 100% complete!!!!!!!!!!! Tuesday everything will go to Title...then to the selling bank. We *should* close on Thursday.

I'm trying to not get my hopes up just in case something else comes up at the last minute...but I am SO ready for this to be done and closed so we can start working on OUR HOME.

Labels: a househunting we will go, family news

Our house!!!! We heard today that the bank accepted our counter offer to their counter offer to our offer...and it's going to be ours!!! We should close in 3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!

Labels: a househunting we will go, family news, photos

I wanted to post today just because it's Leap Year Day. But instead of having a happy thought...I'm filled with angst and worry. Mike got "fired" today. We're meeting with a Union Steward tonight and will file a grievance. We'll follow through on everything on our part...but he might not get his job back. Hindsight, it's all about something very stupid. I will not blame my husband though, he does his very best for our family all the time. He's an awesome provider, a wonderful husband and the best Daddy ever. We're all proud of him...and upset right along with him.

God's got plans for our family...I believe this is just another part of it. Gotta take the good with the bad, right?

***edited to update:
Had the hearing on Friday. He ended up with time served as suspension and a HUGE warning that if he does this again he WILL be fired. Yikes. But praise God, Mike went back to work on Monday 3/10.

Labels: bitch and moan, family news, hottie hubby, UPS

I started a family blog not too long ago, to share pictures and fun facts with Grandparents...or anyone else that is completely bored and wants to read!

Labels: blogging, family fun, family news

I can't remember and am too lazy to go back and look...did I tell you we put an offer in on a house last week? Did I even say we're house hunting? LOL

Anyway, first house offer we made was rejected. The seller received our offer and at least one other, so we're totally ok with being rejected!

We have seen this house twice now:

Tomorrow our offer will be presented to the seller. I'm praying that this house, while not perfect and beautiful, is our house soon. It has the basics of what we need in a house and has so much potential. It's the "cheapest house in the best neighborhood" type house. It can be SO beautiful...but right now it's so not. The back yard is nothing but dirt and weeds. There are a few small holes in a couple of walls, there is a LOT of dirt (the walls need scrubbed and then painted something other than builder white), the carpet needs shampooed if not replaced. But it's the right size for us, has the parts we need in a house. And best of all, both Mike and I, and the kids, can all see our family in this house.

So pray with us, ok?

Labels: a househunting we will go, family fun, family news, photos

Today we saw about 10 houses. Probably too many, but I'm an organizational freak so I wasn't feeling too overwhelmed. Plus I pawned off Zachary to Daddy, brother and sister! :P

Out of ten houses, we liked 2. A lot. Mike loved one way more than I do...ditto for me and the other house way more than Mike. This is going to be "fun".

We have a list of 31 houses left to see. Sellers hate this market (we sure did last year) but as a buyer...I think it's great I have so much to chose from and can afford to be super picky. We both know what we definitely want/need in a house and yard and we are, for the most part, on the same page. He wants silly things like the ability to drive into the back yard (why???) and I want something big enough for the family now but not too big when the teenagers are gone. We both want a certain area but I'm more willing to go a bit outside of said area to get the house that is right for our family. He's stubborn. I'm stubborn. Who will win??? Hopefully the entire family will.

Labels: a househunting we will go, family fun, family news

It's been a nice holiday weekend so far. Super busy with work through Wednesday...but they are now licensed and officially opening for business on Monday. Zachary will start in a couple of weeks too. I'm excited. Haven't worked for anyone outside my home for 10 years, but things are coming back to me quickly. Helps that my bosses and co workers are awesome.

It's super early in the morning...the time I'd normally be getting up and ready for work. But it's my day off. I have a cold, thanks in part to Haley! But that's really not what is keeping me up. I'm still trying to absorb some news I got on Wednesday.

My Dad is very ill. I could list all his medical conditions, but they're pretty insignificant overall. His cancer is killing him. A lot quicker than we expected. He was officially diagnosed in August and at that time the cancer doctor said 6 months to a year.

Wednesday's test results said 2 weeks.

How do you wrap your mind around that fact? I was on my way to work, had switched shifts with the other receptionist so she could be off early for a concert, when my sister called. I walked into work and just bawled. Scared my poor bosses! Here it is, the first day they are licensed and not quite open for business...after we've been sitting at home waiting for work to start for the last 3 months...and I need to ask for time off. Just don't know when, yet.

That presents a few challenges too. Mike asked if he could get time off (his anniversary date is Valentine's day, so after that day he'll get 2 weeks paid vacation for sure), they basically said if he took it "before" then it would be a bad thing on his work record (very technical mess of info but that's the gist of it). If he asked for time off "after" then he'd get it and I'm pretty sure it would be paid time off. He mentioned something about funeral pay anyway. So, that's one of five people to consider. Micheal finishes his first semester of classes on December 8th. Haley doesn't get Christmas break until December 22nd. I can take a week off (I really do work for amazing people) and for Zachary, we'll have to pay his tuition to keep his spot while we're gone. All that to get all 5 of us on the same page, then there are the actual plans of GOING. Do we fly? Do we drive? When exactly do we go.

Way back in 1990 when my Grandpa Wolfrum was diagnosed with cancer I was 20 and Micheal was 2. I still lived at home but worked full time and had Micheal in daycare. On the night that my Grandpa died, Micheal and I were alone with him (Grandpa went to the Hospice house 3 days before he died) at the Hospice House as it was my Aunt Flo's birthday. My brother and his wife (if memory serves they lived in WY at the time) were in town, my sister was hugely pregnant with my niece Andrea and was in MT, unable to come. My Grandma, parents, Aunt Flo and Uncle Dick had gone out to dinner...and that is when Grandpa took his last breath. I was freaked out, to say the very least. The hospice nurses were wonderful and Grandpa was at peace as he died. Back then no one had cell phones or pagers or any way to be reached if they weren't at home...so I had to wait and wait and wait, for what was probably only 20 minutes but seemed like HOURS for the family to come back to the Hospice house for the news that Grandpa had passed. I remember being completely overwhelmed with grief and hurting so much inside. I had never been alone with a person as they died.

Today I don't remember that grief and emotion nearly as much as I am battling with thoughts rolling around my head. My Daddy is dying. Soon. My Mom will be a widow. My youngest son will never know his Papa.

Something I am going to try to find is the joy our priest talks about when a person dies. The joy we get knowing our loved ones are in Heaven, whole and free of pain and sickness. But how exactly do you find that shred of joy, and hold onto it, during the last days? How do you KNOW everything is working out according to God's plan.

My Dad has always been so strong and full of life. Hot tempered and loving. Grounding me, worse than that, coming to find me hanging out downtown at night with my friends and humiliating me!!! LOL Those memories, me being so "teenage" and stupid, him being the "bad" dad. I am going to treasure those memories! But the humiliation, having your DAD show up when you're hanging out with your friends (granted he was trying to teach me hanging out on the street corner was NOT something I wanted to be known for...it just wasn't something a nice girl did!) I remember getting so very angry at him so many times in my teen years. But mostly I remember loving him so very very much all my life. The last time I saw my dad was July 17. I was in TX visiting and he was in the hospital awaiting his hip surgery. He had a few bad days while I was there but mostly he had good ones. I left him there, with a hug and a kiss and an I love you Dad. More recently I got to talk to him on the phone. He was having a pretty good day, as much as Alzheimer's will allow, but I could still tell he couldn't quite remember. I think the thing I'll keep from that conversation the most was his "I love you too" at the end. It was hard for my Dad to say I love you, even to his own kids. He had a very rough childhood and had a very hard time showing and expressing emotion. But I know he loves me, and for the past year or two at the end of conversations or at the end of visits, he'd always tell me he loved me.

When we were there last October, when we didn't know exactly what was wrong with his back (ended up having a fracture on his spine and had extensive back surgery) but he was doped up on pain killers...which threw the Alzheimer's all out of whack...he talked of my Matthew. I can't wait for Matthew to hug and kiss my Daddy.

I'm feeling so disjointed and I know this reflects it. Bear with me while I try to wrap my mind around all this. I've been living in denial for so long, he looked ok. Sure the Alzheimer's was getting worse and worse, he stopped recognizing my Mom and sister a few weeks back. But the cancer wasn't showing any signs of this. It's hard to be 1200 miles away and wrap your mind around losing a parent.

Labels: cancer sucks ass, family news, my daddy

Little boy is SICK. Monday when I picked him up from daycare I noticed his eyes were red rimmed and red and a wee bit goopy. By bedtime I knew he was going to the doctor the next day for pink eye. Got him in and checked over and his doc said his nose was getting thick and colorful so we could either write a prescription for antibiotics for me to fill in a few days or wait and come back in a few days. I opted for the prescription. No daycare Tuesday but back on Wednesday. When I picked him up Wednesday afternoon they told me he was pulling at his ear (was just fine on Tuesday) and "warm". That night he was hot, temp just over 100. Did the Motrin/cool bath thing and no fever over night. He slept off and on, I didn't. Went ahead and sent him to daycare on Thursday knowing they'd call when his fever spiked. Sure enough, less than 2 hours later, he's at 102.7 and sleeping. At 9:30 AM. He NEVER sleeps at that time at daycare. Go pick him up and decide to fill the antibiotic as maybe he does have an ear infection. Get him home and Motrin into him...fever is over 103 at this point. Once the Motrin kicks in he's fine. Run to buy a new thermometer as the one that goes in the ear doesn't really work well for him. Got one that you scan their forehead and end on the temporal artery...just like his doctor's office!

At about 3 PM notice the fever is going up. Quickly. And he's shivering with the chills. His hands are ice cold. Wrap him in his blanket and cuddle him while he tries to sleep...no more Motrin for another 3 1/2 hours. A while later notice fever is edging closer and closer to 104+ and call the doctor's office. She's already left for the day and is out tomorrow as well...options are to continue to treat him at home, try Tylenol and a cool bath. Tylenol typically doesn't work for him, but what the heck. Give him some, as soon as it hits his tongue it's back out all over me, the chair, him and the floor. Twice. Fever is nearly 105 now and I'm past my "I can handle this" fever point. Seriously starting to worry he'll have a seizure at home. Won't be happy at all. End up calling the doc's office back and asking my options. Choose to go to after hours care place immediately.

Long story short (ha ha), little boy has Strep. Again. Didn't we just do this a few weeks ago? Pink eye is better though. Ears are clear. Fever is behaving somewhat (he got a Tylenol suppository at the after hours place, joy of all joys!) Ate some Cheerios for dinner and drank about a gallon of water and breast milk. Slept like crap last night...Mama didn't sleep at all, again. Wondering who will be next as I lay in bed listening to Haley coughing and gagging on phlegm. Lovely night. Don't want a repeat!

Baby is sleeping now. No noise for the past hour...gave him Motrin right before laying him down as he was due and was just starting to get warm. Didn't want him to wake up at 104 again. Don't like 104. At all.

Labels: a day in the life of a Zachy boy, bitch and moan, cutest baby EVER, family news, kiddos, sleep issues, want some whine with that cheese?

So Saturday came and went...and it was a nice day, but it really had a few bumps I didn't quite plan on!

Zachary ended up pretty sick on Friday night, after eating dinner and having his bath. I had to run to another board members house to get a check for after the Walk and had Mike and Zachary go with me. About 5 minutes into our 15 minute drive, Zachary starts throwing up ALL over the car seat, himself, everywhere. Poor bug! We pulled over and cleaned him up with napkins the best we could, but I HAD to get that check! Had to stop a total of 2 times on the way there to clean him up, and Mike rode in the back seat with him the rest of the way there and back. Got him home and he "seemed" fine. He wanted to nurse and did. And within 5 minutes was throwing that up all over our feet (TMI: I was sitting on the potty and he was standing in front of me). What a mess! I got him cleaned up and partially redressed (diaper and jammie pants only) and we settled in for a long night. I didn't sleep more than maybe 5 minutes all night. Zachary kept moaning and then he'd either dry heave or throw up every 20 minutes! I had called the Ped's on call service around 9:30 PM and the nurse said if he went more than 8 hours of no peeing and still vomiting to take him to the ER, in case he's dehydrated. So...at 3:30 AM, off we go to the ER. They didn't really do anything for him...I guess they got busy with a cardiac patient, which is totally fine...but what a waste of time for us. Zachary threw up all over the bed, floor, himself and me twice. I couldn't wait to get home! We finally got to leave around 7:30 AM. Yep, Saturday morning, the day of the Walk, and I wanted to be to the event location to set up at 8 AM. Not gonna happen!

We got home after stopping to get his Zofran prescription filled (what a joke, ONE pill, generic at that, was $15.37. Thank GOD for insurance!) at 8 AM. I showered while Mike loaded the car for me. The plan was for us to take 2 cars, so that's what we did. I took all the Walk stuff with me and Haley...Mike took Micheal and Zachary. Not 3 minutes into the drive Micheal calls me...Zachary just threw up all over Mike's car...the carseat...himself...again. I said fine...go home. I'll call you later! I made a few other calls to make sure I had some helpers coming (one person called me during all this and said she couldn't come due to not feeling well herself!) Anyway...I decided everything would just work out the way it was supposed to work out and it would be FINE. I wish I could say that I took a deep breath and said a prayer...but I did not. Ugh.

So the Walk was very nice. We had about 25 people there, 2 brand new to SHARE families. All day long we were way ahead of schedule and I never once felt rushed. So that was all good! We had lovely weather and other than a few load motorcycle groups, being downtown was really nice. LOTS of people reading our sign and watching us during the balloon release. A couple of cars even honked at us (in a supportive way!) as we were walking back. Very nice to be so out in the public eye! Everyone was satisfied with their experiences and had a nice day.

The rest of the day was spent resting and doing a zillion loads of laundry! I tend to do 2 or maybe 3 loads of laundry on the weekends...I swear by Sunday afternoon I must have been on load number 9. I am sick of the washer and dryer right now! LOL Anyway...we laid pretty low and let Zachary do whatever he felt up to doing. Time got away from me and before I knew it he was headed to bed at 9 PM! That's about 2 hours later than his normal bedtime. But he had slept a lot during the day...and he was just getting sleepy then. AND he slept ALL night long. Didn't wake up until 5:30 AM. What was that about? He had a very empty belly! LOL When he woke up, he nursed a bit and talked a bit and fell asleep until 8 AM. What a great nights sleep that we all needed!

Sunday was more laundry and church. He did great during church too. Strange boy. Today he wasn't himself at all so I kept him home from daycare to go to the doctor. His stomach virus is working it's way out (poor bottom!) but he's got Strep. Ugh. Got a shot of antibiotics instead of oral so as to keep the belly from re-erupting! Boy was he mad about that shot. I think for a brief moment he had a flashback of the ER experience I refuse to think about ever again. I just kept hugging him and kissing him and telling him it was just a shot...just one poke and he was almost done. Poor bug.

Anyway...it's just after 8 PM now and he's in bed. My silly boy loves to wear his slippers to bed! He is outgrowing the Winnie the Pooh ones so I found him the next size bigger (which look like clown shoes on him right now) in Elmo. He is LOVING Elmo. Today he brought out his Blue's Clues movie to watch twice. And his Praise Baby. And amazingly enough he WATCHED quite a bit of it. He hasn't really gotten into TV at this point. He'll listen to the music and dance around but not really stare at it like there's no better drug around. That changed today. He sat in his highchair for dinner FACING the TV. I'm quite sure his Daddy would not approve...but he ate and was happy!

Here's hoping he's feeling better tomorrow! I could possibly be called into work as early as tomorrow!!!!!

Labels: a day in the life of a Zachy boy, breastfeeding, cutest baby EVER, family fun, family news, October 15th, Pikes Peak SHARE, Walk to Remember

Feeling rather sing songy today I guess!

Tomorrow is our Walk to Remember and I am very much ready for it.

I'm excited, which is kind of weird when it's a service to remember so many babies that have died and so many families that are grieving without them in their arms. I miss my Matthew daily, but days like tomorrow are almost like a birthday party from me to him. Don't quite get it...let me elaborate!

Tomorrow morning a few (unknown how many at this point) people will gather...strangers first and then acquaintances and after a few months/years you become friends. So...tomorrow we'll gather as friends...to celebrate and remember our babies. We'll have balloons, music, poems, kind words of remembrance, and lots of tears. We'll hug, we'll talk, and we'll walk the steps our babies never got the chance to take. We'll walk to a park and stand near a water fountain that so many children love to play in during the summer months. We'll all share a poem that might mean nothing to some and it might mean everything they've been trying to say for so long. We'll cry, we'll hug and hold hands. We'll stand there together, parents with so much in common yet we probably wouldn't know each other had our babies been born alive. We'll release our balloons into the sky (hopefully blue and few clouds but it is mid October in Colorado...it's really a crap shoot weather wise!) and we'll remember. We'll listen to a song sung by a man who may or may not know what we're feeling, but he's captured it in song for us anyway. We'll remember our babies by reading their names out loud...we'll share our children with the rest of the world in a public display of our private feelings for our children we want so very very much. When we're finished at the park, we'll walk back to our meeting spot for another poem and a small token of appreciation and understanding to the families present. We'll talk about our children and share their stories. Then we'll eat! We'll have a reception where we can be relaxed and friendly and not too sad about why we're here in the first place. We'll eat and talk and listen to some music and remember. And when it's all said and done, we'll go back to our lives much richer for the things we've shared and the friends we've made.

Won't you help make my life a little richer by remembering my Matthew, and every baby that has died before their time? That is what October is all about to me.

Labels: family news, Heaven's tiny angel, missing Matthew, October 15th, our blessing, Pikes Peak SHARE, Walk to Remember

Today was my first "payday"...which is nice since I've worked exactly half of an hour (if that!) for this check. The ladies I work for said this, and our next check, are not pay checks but rather bonus checks. Nice. So, my bonus check and I had a little retail therapy appointment today...and we are both very satisfied!

We got this camera and this printer...and got some amazing deals on them both, as well as a surprise mail in rebate!

I can not wait to take real pictures, but the trial ones today came out pretty nice! And I found out I can upgrade this camera, should I ever become more than a point and shoot picture taker! LOL

The printer...oh my gosh what gorgeous colors!!! I printed some pictures for Zachary (he loves to carry pictures around all the live long day!) and the color and detail are just so amazing. I can't wait to figure out what pictures I want to print and hang on my walls!

Ok...time to clean up the very messy boy and get my butt out for a walk.

Labels: family news, mama's bored

What could happen to a nurse, or group of nurses/aids/whomever is involved, if it's found that a patient is being given medications that are not listed in their charts...are not ordered by their doctor...are not wanted by the family?

My Dad has been sleeping a lot. Not because he's tired or worn out from physical therapy sleeping, but dead to the world I'm on some kind of drug sleeping. Our guess, which will be proved right or wrong by the tox panel that has been ordered and should be running now, is that the night duty nurses or whomever is around, is tired of my dad "being a problem patient". Remember that he's got Alzheimer's? Well, he doesn't. He has NO CLUE where he is, and half the time he doesn't know who HE is anymore. Yesterday he was finally himself. Ate like there was a food ration going on...knew my sister, my mom and recognized that he was in a hospital. Pretty darn good, right? Today, as he was the entire week before yesterday, he's sleeping. We are pretty sure that he's been trying to get up at night, forgetting he can't do it alone, forgetting why he's in the hospital, forgetting every little detail, and the nurses are getting upset with him...and giving him a sleeping pill. Or something. We'll see once we get the results, and then we'll see who's left without a J O B for being an ass.

Labels: cancer sucks ass, family news, my daddy

I had a job interview today! Considering I have not worked one day in the last 3 years (basically since the day we found out Matthew had died) and for not working for anyone other than my husband for the past, what, 9 years???, I think it went pretty well! I'll find out later this week if I'm hired, and then maybe I'll spill the details here too.

I am pretty excited about the thought of this job. It's a job I found myself, I thought about getting myself. Mike has been supportive of me, he's really not sure if me working is a good thing for our family or not. I don't have to work, but I'm personally tired of making the family just get by and maybe once a month doing something fun. Selfishly I want a new car and I know we won't ever get it if I don't help earn it. And bonus, it's within walking distance and Zachy would be there with me every day!

Labels: family fun, family news, mama's bored, something fun

NO CANCER!!!!!! My dad had his hip surgery on Thursday about an hour after we got home. The doc did a biopsy of the mass there and we got results today. NO CANCER!

The 2 very small spots in his lung from nearly a year ago are being very naughty though. They have merged into one mass and are now as big as a golf ball. In a few more days, when he's a bit stronger, he'll have a lung biopsy. I can not wait to hear the news from that...but will pray it's the news we are told by the cancer doc. He's thinking, based on my dad's back surgery, recovery and then the hip issue and now surgery, that he's got calcification in that lung. I pray he's right. I pray and pray and pray it's not what the doomsday Pulmonologist told my sister. That's too scary to type right now. But it was very very bad. It's the kind of bad you don't shout from the tops of the hills, but rather scream sadly into the depths of the pillows.

Please God, please give my Daddy a break. Let the lung be free from cancer and if it is anything, let it be easily treated. He's really had enough stuff happen to him for now. Living with Alzheimer's should have been enough. Ok, throw in Emphysema, but that's enough. No cancer, ok? He's such a good man, he worked hard all his life to make a great life for his wife and kids. He's a wonderful PaPa to his grandkids, even to the little baby one that he's really not sure belongs to anyone in his family. I can accept that. I was hoping he'd remember a tiny bit of Zachy...remember that he was given his family name to carry along. But even that is gone. So God, no cancer, ok? Let him live out his days in peace and just deal with losing the rest of himself to the nasty ugly Alzheimer's Disease.

Labels: cancer sucks ass, family news