whiny baby tales

Tonight was probably a remarkably bad night. Mike said or did something he thought was funny, I got pissed. My first remark was "do you want to be single again?" When he said something else, I said "I can pack my crap, my kids and my dog and be gone real quick".

And the truly sad part is that I am serious. I would leave without much of a second glance.

It's not that we have a horrible marriage. It's that it's in a horrible rut. And that neither of us care or try to do anything differently. It's been this way for a while, just building and festering. I keep telling him I'm not happy. I keep telling him things have to change. But sadly I do not know what things need to change or how to go about making those changes.

I don't want to be divorced. Or even separated. But I really want to be happy...and that's what's missing right now.

So...my friends on the internet...pray for marriages, and especially mine.

Labels: bitch and moan, family news, mama's bored, rambling thoughts, recommendatoins please, want some whine with that cheese?

makes me feel like the worst mother in the world. Not every moment of every day, thankfully, but when we are out in public. Oye!

Yesterday was a MOPS play date at the mall. Besides the "normal" screaming fits he throws at the drop of a hat, he ran off and I actually LOST him for 5 minutes. The mall is HUGE and he's not. Thankfully another MOPS mama found him before I totally freaked out.

Today at the pumpkin patch, another MOPS play date, he again wanted to run off from me. This pumpkin patch is in the middle of nowhere, with vast open expanses of nothing and there was just no way at all I was going to allow him to run free. So he spent a lot of time doing this: while I spent a lot of time pointlessly saying things like "if you don't listen, we'll leave" and "you can not run off from me again". Winner of the useless statement contest, that's me!

I know he's in pain from teething, he's almost got 3 of his canines in but still has his 2 year molars to go. I swear by the time he finally gets all his baby teeth in it will be time for the adult teeth to move down and the baby teeth to fall out. We'll NEVER make it!!!!!!!!!!!

My MOPS group "hired" a Love and Logic speaker to do a seminar...which is wonderful. I'm struggling with two things...remembering what I learned from each class and how to use it with Zachary now. I feel like he doesn't understand enough verbally to "get" what I'm saying. He probably does and has ME trained to think otherwise. I can't even wrap my mind around what I need to be doing with/to/for Haley as a mother...yikes.

Mostly though...I just want to cry. I have done this twice before and other than motherhood amnesia I can't think of one single reason why I don't remember the 2's being this hard. Oh wait...I can. Micheal was a super easy toddler/young child and Haley, while she was the poster child for TERRIBLE 2's and out of control at times, mellowed out quick. I keep blaming all the hard times on Mike and his side of the family...that's the only variable that has changed in my 20+ years of parenting.

Labels: a day in the life of a Zachy boy, bitch and moan, failing miserably as the mom, photos, rambling thoughts, want some whine with that cheese?, Zachary

I'm done. I'm so done I can't fathom a fork being stuck in me.

All kinds of stress and worry about the damn house closing. Or not closing. Or whatever.

All sorts of stress about the rental house deposit money. Our yard really scares me. Aeration and new grass seed* should help, but will it be enough?

I don't even want to get into the work crap except to say that one of our little boys fell out of a second story window at his house and he's in the ICU. Please, please pray for that boy and his family.

My car. That's the *, right above. I ended up taking a "mental health day" for part of the day at work today...I'm just spend emotionally and can't take much more of anything. I'm driving home from picking up some lunch, thinking I'll stop and get the grass seed on the way home. I hear a strange noise and there are no other cars around so it must be mine. Sure enough...my temperature gauge is pretty close to the red zone, and I'm about 2 miles from home. Great. I made it home, thankfully.

Oh, and either my husband is dead or hates me...I have been trying to call him since 10 something this morning and can not get a hold of him. I even had the office send him a message on his diad to call me...and nothing. Great.

Labels: bitch and moan, want some whine with that cheese?

I need help.

Ok, not me so much as it's the about to be 2 years old and HATING life boy of mine that needs help.

I know I've done this before, and both times I endured the "terrible twos" or whatever it is that's going on all by myself without a spouse/daddy person around to help. This child is wearing us both down. And fast.

The hitting, the screaming, the crying (mostly him), the NO and MINE that just sprouted up this weekend (and how in the world does he know how to use them so well???). Prime example, went to play with Sammy and Katie last night, Sammy was smart and went to bed. Katie and Zachary were doing the best job for near being 2 years old each at taking turns on the slide. Until one wouldn't move and they both started in:
"Mys"

"Mine"

"Mys"

"Mine"

"Mys"

"Mine"

"Mys"

"Mine"

"Mys"
"Mine"
"Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys"
"Mine""Mys""Mine"

Until my head exploded. It wasn't horrible, but Zachary is getting louder and louder these days.

Seriously though, I know he's going to act up and challenge me. Daily. Probably minutely. How do I not over-react and stick him in his crib 27 hours a day? I am starting to yell a lot again (I had finally broken that awful habit after years of yelling at the older kids...but have now fallen back into that trap).

I do have a Love and Logic book I want to finish reading. I do give him 2 choices, of things I can live with, but he won't chose either. Instead he choses to scream, yell, hit, cry and throw himself on the ground head first.

Labels: a day in the life of a Zachy boy, bitch and moan, recommendatoins please, want some whine with that cheese?

Little boy is SICK. Monday when I picked him up from daycare I noticed his eyes were red rimmed and red and a wee bit goopy. By bedtime I knew he was going to the doctor the next day for pink eye. Got him in and checked over and his doc said his nose was getting thick and colorful so we could either write a prescription for antibiotics for me to fill in a few days or wait and come back in a few days. I opted for the prescription. No daycare Tuesday but back on Wednesday. When I picked him up Wednesday afternoon they told me he was pulling at his ear (was just fine on Tuesday) and "warm". That night he was hot, temp just over 100. Did the Motrin/cool bath thing and no fever over night. He slept off and on, I didn't. Went ahead and sent him to daycare on Thursday knowing they'd call when his fever spiked. Sure enough, less than 2 hours later, he's at 102.7 and sleeping. At 9:30 AM. He NEVER sleeps at that time at daycare. Go pick him up and decide to fill the antibiotic as maybe he does have an ear infection. Get him home and Motrin into him...fever is over 103 at this point. Once the Motrin kicks in he's fine. Run to buy a new thermometer as the one that goes in the ear doesn't really work well for him. Got one that you scan their forehead and end on the temporal artery...just like his doctor's office!

At about 3 PM notice the fever is going up. Quickly. And he's shivering with the chills. His hands are ice cold. Wrap him in his blanket and cuddle him while he tries to sleep...no more Motrin for another 3 1/2 hours. A while later notice fever is edging closer and closer to 104+ and call the doctor's office. She's already left for the day and is out tomorrow as well...options are to continue to treat him at home, try Tylenol and a cool bath. Tylenol typically doesn't work for him, but what the heck. Give him some, as soon as it hits his tongue it's back out all over me, the chair, him and the floor. Twice. Fever is nearly 105 now and I'm past my "I can handle this" fever point. Seriously starting to worry he'll have a seizure at home. Won't be happy at all. End up calling the doc's office back and asking my options. Choose to go to after hours care place immediately.

Long story short (ha ha), little boy has Strep. Again. Didn't we just do this a few weeks ago? Pink eye is better though. Ears are clear. Fever is behaving somewhat (he got a Tylenol suppository at the after hours place, joy of all joys!) Ate some Cheerios for dinner and drank about a gallon of water and breast milk. Slept like crap last night...Mama didn't sleep at all, again. Wondering who will be next as I lay in bed listening to Haley coughing and gagging on phlegm. Lovely night. Don't want a repeat!

Baby is sleeping now. No noise for the past hour...gave him Motrin right before laying him down as he was due and was just starting to get warm. Didn't want him to wake up at 104 again. Don't like 104. At all.

Labels: a day in the life of a Zachy boy, bitch and moan, cutest baby EVER, family news, kiddos, sleep issues, want some whine with that cheese?

I am so not ready for this...and yet it's been doing it all day long. Yesterday is was nearly 80 degrees...today we're in the 30's and it's windy and COLD and snowing. I hate snow.

I totally missed a photo op today at lunch/dinner. Zachary has been trying to "wash" his hair lately in the tub, very cute. Today while we're eating spaghetti, he's pretty well covered face, neck, chest (smart Daddy took off his white shirt first!)...and smart mouth Mama says, looks like you missed a spot on your hair...you better get it. So...Zachary "washes" his hair...with spaghetti. Too cute! Of course I'll be regretting this soon enough, he'll do it in daycare or out to eat or something less appropriate I'm sure. But for now, at home, when he's 15 months old, it's totally adorable. And I was too lazy to get up and find the camera. Figures.

I have snow pictures from this morning. Have to document the first day of snow ya know. I don't feel like going to find the camera and uploading the pictures so you'll have to just live in suspense without the Colorado snow pictures. Poor you.

Labels: a day in the life of a Zachy boy, cutest baby EVER, family fun, mama's bored, want some whine with that cheese?, what's with the white stuff?

Oh my God, please tell me what has gotten into my sweet baby???? He's an absolute NIGHTMARE tonight!

Last week, when we went to the zoo, he started this fun new thing that out of the blue whenever he feels like it he SCREAMS this high pitched blood curdling scream. I can NOT stand kids that just scream to hear themselves scream...and that appears to be Zachary's new favorite past time. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So...he's been going to daycare for 3 days now...he's basically walking around completely sleep deprived because he will NOT nap at daycare and he's been getting up at least 4 times at night. He's going to bed at like 7, which is at least an hour earlier than normal. I KNOW he's exhausted, hell I'm exhausted!

Today...he took a gloriously long nap at daycare!!! 1 1/2 hours...he slept so good! The ladies said he was so happy and didn't cry at all today...other than the mad screaming cry when I first dropped him off. He had a GREAT day. I was so glad, and hoped that him finally giving his overtired body that nice nap would help with tonight and maybe he'd sleep more than 2 hours. A mom can dream.

The screaming fit started around 4:30. My oldest son sat down with a snack and the baby wanted it. All of it. Guess he's not eating real great still at daycare. So, Zachary had a snack, and almost half of what his big brother was eating BEFORE dinner. Then an hour later for dinner he ate more food that I thought could possibly fit in his little belly. And a little while after dinner he nursed like he's not had food for years. Growth spurt??? I know he's teething, his gums are soooo red and swollen and the drool is coming by the bucket full, so I gave him Motrin. I might have given him too much as he's bigger than what the infant dose goes up to and I was going on my very overtired memory of what the doctor told me to give him.

The screaming, oh the screaming. I actually SPANKED him. I felt horrible but really wanted to toss him head first out the door, the screaming was that bad. I love this boy to death, don't get me wrong, but I just can't stand the screaming. So...I decided it wasn't getting any better (this had been going on for 1 1/2 hour now) and what the hell, maybe he needs to just go to bed. I know I was at my breaking point, so off to bed he went. And he SCREAMED. But then he fell asleep...for 45 minutes.

I got him up, he wanted to cuddle and nurse, but still he was fussing. I stood him on the ground for a minute and he about fell over...I think the Motrin does was too much! Oops...hopefully that will leave his system soon. Anyway...I was trying to love on him and cuddle with him and nurse him at his request but he started screaming again!!! So...I put him on the floor in front of me and just keep asking if he was done. Which brought on MORE screaming. Finally after about 1/2 an hour of screaming, he seemed to calm down...at least a bit. Enough to nurse again. Then he started rubbing his eyes and just looked so tired I told him it was time for bed. He's in his crib now...not sleeping but not screaming or crying. I do hope the boy sleeps tonight...I seriously need to get some sleep myself or I have a bad feeling I'm going to just crash soon. Hopefully while I'm at home doing nothing the next couple of days! LOL

Frustration is my name!

Labels: bitch and moan, sleep issues, the joy of teething, want some whine with that cheese?

I swear Zachary has gotten WORSE! He was awake probably every 1 1/2 hours last night, and it took about 1/2 an hour to get him back to sleep each time. So...I started reading through the magic book again, hoping for answers.

Needless to say, there really aren't any. He's a terrible sleeper, has always been a terrible sleeper and needs to nurse to put himself back to sleep. Now mind you he stopped nursing to sleep the first time of the night many MANY months ago...but he's still wanting to nurse in the middle of the night anywhere from 1 to 10 times a night. I'm really getting scared...in two weeks I start a job that requires me to be there at 6 AM. I have to be up at 5 something, and I have to be awake enough to stay at work all day AND function.

What gives? I searched his mouth for signs of impending teeth...didn't find anything unusual. Searched his body for injuries...only found a bruise on his butt cheek that had to hurt (and I remember when he fell down and screamed...so it did hurt!). I'm just at a complete loss. Right now he's in his crib SCREAMING bloody murder all because he's too tired to give up and I'm too tired to try to get him to sleep "gently". Poor bear is sobbing and screaming and I feel absolutely HORRIBLE.

Anyone, please, advise me???? He has slept 11 hours at night TWICE so I know he CAN do it...he just won't.

Labels: bitch and moan, sleep issues, want some whine with that cheese?

Or maybe teething? Zachary woke up this morning...wait, let me back up.

Yesterday was TERRIBLE! A day of not good sleep overnight, meaning he was up 4 times during the night to nurse, so he was already tired when he got up in the morning. His morning nap was super short...maybe 30 minutes. He was fussy all day, and his afternoon nap was even worse than his morning nap! By the time we had to go to PT for Haley I was praying he'd just sleep in the car and all through therapy. No such luck...he was WIDE awake in the car, all crazy in PT and wide awake on the way home. Ugh. So...after dinner he got a bubble bath and then went right to bed. I think it was 7:45? He woke up at 11 PM...right when I was falling asleep. I have this new thing where I sit up in bed, listen to his fussing to see if it's reajustment or actual needing me crying and take action from there. 11 PM was serious need me crying! I got him and put him in bed with Mike and I...and he nursed voraciously for a good 10 minutes! LOL He's a speedy nurser now. Anyway...he got done with both sides and proceeded to wiggle and squirm and crawl on me, but with his eyes closed. Ah ha! That's HIS sign to me that he needs to be in HIS bed...so off to bed I took him. Turned on his pooh bear and kissed him and laid him down. I went back to bed and to sleep.
At 3:15 AM he cried out. I can't even remember if I sat up this time, but I listened to his fussing...and it ended before too long. I went back to sleep, and woke up at 6:05 AM, to him STILL sleeping! Baby boy finally slept ALL night...since early June!! he woke up at 7:35 and I put him in bed with me to nurse. We slept, thankfully, until 9 AM!
As a side note, when I got him out of bed at 7:35 he was chilly to the touch everywhere his skin was bare. His arms and hands, his cheeks, his feet and a little bit of leg where his jammie pants were not covering.
At 9 AM he was HOT to the touch. This is a baby that hasn't had but one fever in his life but always feels hot to the touch. We got up out of bed and went downstairs, I found the thermometer and low and behold...100.6. Not high by any means, but a slight fever.
I gave him some Motrin at 9:45 and actually got him to eat some breakfast and drink some water. At 11 AM I put him down for his nap. He slept for 45 minutes and woke up SCREAMING!!!!!!!!! and CRYING!!!!!!! and just really not happy with me!!!!!! It took me a full half hour of trying every trick in the book to figure something out and calm him a smidge. Goldfish crackers rule!
At about 12:45 I got him settled in the high chair without screaming and gave him some lunch. He ate some but not much. He had a bit more water. Amazingly enough, once he had some food in his belly, he was less grouchy! He walked around, played with a toy or two and I put on his crack, err, Baby Signs DVD. Love that Baby Einstein! He was, for the first time today, a happy boy.
I just now laid him down for his second nap. LOL there went that short lived happiness.
Somewhere along the line I found a blog that talked a LOT about their baby's sleep issues and linked to another blog that talked about a sleep pattern that most babies over 6 months of age tend to have. Basically it says that a baby is ready for their first nap 2 hours after they wake up in the morning, ready for the second nap 3 hours after waking from the first, and they are ready for bed 4 hours after waking from the second nap. Zachary, blessedly, is pretty true to this pattern. It just took him 10 long hard sleepless months to figure it out! So...he's down for nap #2. I hope it's longer than the last few naps!
We'll deal with the grumpies if they appear again. I wish I knew what was up...other than I think it's a toss up of a delayed reaction to his last vaccinations a week ago, or he's teething a LOT of invisible teeth. Based on the little biting trick he pulled this morning, I'm leaning towards teeth! I just really hope it's not something like TEN at once!!!

Labels: a day in the life of a Zachy boy, bitch and moan, cutest baby EVER, mama's bored, sleep issues, the joy of teething, want some whine with that cheese?

Sheesh, I need to stop letting certain people in my life annoy the ever living hell out of me! I'd be much happier and less stressed if I could only remember that small fact!!!!!

Labels: bitch and moan, want some whine with that cheese?

Some days I really wish I could just be an irresponsible child...get everything I want and have it all go my way. I was supposed to leave town tomorrow to go spend two weeks with my parents...but my freaking CAR decided it needed to have all my trip money, and then some, put into it. Naughty car. But it will be nice to be able to drive around town with the air conditioner going and not freak out about the engine overheating all the time. And having four brand new tires will be nice so as not to worry about having a 10 year old tire blow out on the hot highway in the middle of nowhere Texas alone with three kids. So there are some perks to being responsible.

But still! I really wanted to go!!! My Dad had surgery last week and I wanted to be there for his next FOUR doctor appointments. The neurologist, the back surgeon, the bladder surgeon and the latest CT scan to continue to make sure he does NOT have lung cancer! Selfishly I want to be there for ME...I want to hear that he is going to be ok for a while longer in person. I'm ok hearing the news over the phone, my sister is really good about passing all the info along. But I would like to be more involved in his daily care and helping my mom out by cooking and laundry and things like that she isn't able to do so well herself. I worry about my parents getting older and my sister not being able to drop everything and go attend to their needs.

Don't get me wrong, Kelly is awesome at being there for everything my parents need. In fact she is so good with my Dad I know I can't do a tenth of what she does and have the patience she's got. That is one thing she was blessed with whether she knows it or not! But, the child in me screams all the louder as one more thing gets dropped in their laps from yet another medical specialist...They're My Parent's Too! I should be there to help every day too.

My Daddy has a birthday in 5 more days. My oldest son turned 19 yesterday. I love that they have birthdays so close together. This was one year I was hoping to celebrate them both together as it's been many years since we have done that.

Oh well...I'll suck it up and be the grown up right now. I know there will be another chance to go visit again and will just keep hoping it's sooner rather than later.

Labels: bitch and moan, family fun, kiddos, want some whine with that cheese?

Three days ago I hit rock bottom with Zachary. I have not slept more than 10 minutes in a row for about a year...sometime around 34 weeks in my pregnancy I couldn't sleep anymore. I am TIRED.

So...three days ago I put his crib together and put him in it wide awake to see if he'd sit down and check it out or stand there and scream blue bloody murder. Screaming won.

Two nights ago after nursing and tossing and turning and me getting mad at all the hair pulling and poking and kicking going on, he got "put" into the crib. Not all sweet and nice like I wanted but damn...I'm exhausted and was TIRED of the baby. He screamed blue bloody murder for a LONG time. I finally got him up about 20 minutes later, nursed him to sleep in our bed and fell asleep for a couple of hours. But when he woke up again, instead of just nursing back to sleep he started all the kicking and messing around again. So I picked him up and plopped him in his bed. A bit nicer but still not all sweet and loving like I wanted to do. I don't remember giving him a kiss and saying good night at all. He cried, but didn't scream. And after about an hour I got him back up and nursed him to sleep in our bed.

Last night, after his bath we nursed on the big bed until he was drowsy. Then I told him it was time to go night night in his bed. I hugged him and kissed him and told him I loved him and to have sweet dreams. I put him in his bed, on his belly at his direction, and covered him up with his blanket. He cried a little, fussed more than cried really. And he slept SIX hours. Zachary has NEVER slept that long in all of his little life!!!! I, on the other hand, did not. LOL I slept maybe 2 hours. When he woke up and cried out a bit I brought him to our bed to nurse and we both fell asleep for another 3 hours. I feel so very well rested it's not even funny!

Today...after such a great night...I thought I'd try nap time. He played with Daddy, ate some breakfast, swung outside on the swing, and has been having a ton of fun. Then he was getting sleepy...so we nursed in the recliner and I carried him up to his room. I told him I loved him, kissed him and laid him down. He fussed, literally six seconds worth, cried out 2 times, and has been blissfully quiet ever since. ~~~***~~~
ETA: he napped for THREE hours!!!!!

I know...it's about time, right? He's 10 months 1 week old! But it's been so hard for me to let him cry about much of anything that the first few times of screaming bloody murder about set me over the edge. I will keep going...he will nap in his crib and he will start every night out in there as well. I am not hoping for him to sleep all night...but if he can sleep a 6 hour stretch then be in bed with me...and I can get over the mommy guilt of putting him in the crib to begin with...then I can sleep at least that long too.

And life will be all sunshine and roses once again, when the Mommy gets some sleep and doesn't feel so foggy headed all the live long day.

Labels: a day in the life of a Zachy boy, cutest baby EVER, sleep issues, want some whine with that cheese?

The boy does not sleep. He's clearly exhausted...he's well fed, clean diapered and totally loved. But yet he refuses to drift off to dreamland. Ever.




The boy does not play alone. He'll play on the floor mat if we're right there to talk to him. He'll play in the bouncy chair if we're right there making him giggle. He'll swing, for a few minutes. He'll sit in the exersaucer for a very few minutes. About the only places he will actually play is on the changing table (we have toys hung above it for him) and in the high chair (he has a small toy to play with before/after meals or "whenever Mommy's arms need him to be somewhere else while she's cooking dinner" just for the high chair).




So, what am I doing wrong? Is he "that" high needs of a baby he can't do anything without physical touch? Case in point, he was sleeping so I put him in the swing...woke up in 2 1/2 seconds but stayed there for nearly 4 minutes. Held him, rocked him, told him I love him a million more times, and then put him in the bouncy chair...I only have 15 more Christmas cards to get done!!! But he's crying his little eyes out and SO upset that I won't hold him.




Any ideas on a high needs baby? I know he's tired. I started keeping track of his sleeping habits. During the day, he takes 3 naps. Each nap is 20 minutes maximum, unless I'm doing something like driving around in the car and then it's maybe 45 minutes. He's done with dinner and ready for a bath by 5:30 PM. And seriously ready for bed by 6 PM at the latest anymore. Used to be 7. But can I nurse him to sleep and put him to bed? No way! If I do that he's upset and screaming in 3 minutes again. I've tried letting him sleep in the bed (we co-sleep every night) by himself, with my night shirt nearby. No dice. If I don't hold him, he does not sleep. Ever.

Labels: cutest baby EVER, want some whine with that cheese?

Life totally blows every now and again, right? Well, my life is so stress filled right now that it no longer blows...it sucks.

Labels: want some whine with that cheese?